Living with DID is not easy, especially if you’re a 12 year old who had just started middle school like me. I’m Cassibelle Jones, but my friends call me Cassie, but my full name is really Cassiebelle Liana Jones.
DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) is basically a mental illness, where you have multiple “people” living inside your head, also known as “alters”, and they may switch on and off at any time. They can even talk to you, like your friends would! Most people don’t even know that they have DID until other people tell them. It’s kinda complicated, really. I didn’t know I had DID until my mom took me to a therapist named Dr. Tracey, who found out about it. I don’t fully understand why I was diagnosed with it, but at least I know more than I did in the beginning.
I even identified “Liana” as my imaginary friend when I was four!
But I’ve always (and still do) have a problem introducing myself around others, even back in preschool. I remember distinctly that Mrs. Walkers, my teacher back then, had asked us to write down our favorite food, color, and movie. When she asked that, “Liana” was present, so she wrote down this:
Favorite Color: Pink
Favorite Movie: Frozen
Favorite Food: Ice cream
When I got home, Sasha had taken control of the body, and she had no idea why in the world someone had written down that their favorite color was pink, their favorite movie was “Frozen”, and their favorite food was ice cream! Sasha immediately erased my childish choices and wrote (in much neater handwriting):
Favorite Color: Purple
Favorite Movie: Ninjago
Favorite Food: Pizza
You get the idea. Sometimes Liana and Sasha have arguments about the most pointless things, and I often get a headache from it. But whenever I tell them to stop, eventually they settle down and clear things up a little. Just a little.
Anyways, right now I’m sitting at a desk, in the far back of Room 506, looking at the handout sheet like it was a UFO-created item, I stared at the questions that we were asked to fill out.
Even after preschool, I still had a tough time filling out “get-to-know-you” things.
Favorite Color: _________________
Favorite Food: _________________
Funny how crazy coincidences actually happen, right? Anyways, after pausing for a moment, I asked Liana and Sasha what I should write down. Sasha immediately said, “Same as in preschool-purple, Star Wars, and pizza.” (Her favorite movie had changed since then) Liana replied, “Yeah, same as in preschool, except with pink, Zootopia, and ice cream!” (Her favorite movie had changed as well).
For once, I was tired of their bickering. I decided to be true to myself, and said in my head, “who cares if Sasha changes it”, or “It’s fine if Liana makes a rude comment on it”, and wrote down instead..
Favorite Color: Blue
Favorite Movie: Avatar
Favorite Food: Sushi
And this time, nobody said a word.